Friday, March 8, 2013

A child is born

Gera was waddling around, getting larger with each passing day, our child growing in her making her larger and more uncomfortable yet she still had a while to go until the expected date of delivery.  Then one day, she became caught up in a seeming game of ping pong between two males giving contradictory orders, one trying to push her and the other trying to help her.  It soon became too much for the poor girl and she ended up stuck between two orders and she froze.  This was rewarded by her being shot with a tranq gun.  I rushed to where she was lying and as she regained consciousness she suddenly cried out in pain and I noticed signs that her water had broken.  I immediately picked her frail form up and carried her to the clinic realizing that the stress she had been put through had induced her labor early.

Upon arrival at the clinic I was somewhat panicked by not knowing what to do but luckily Mister Winter, our close friend was there to assist using his vast knowledge of all things related to birth since he had once raised newts.  The real saving grace turned out to be the normally surly Slut (that's a name not a description - well actually it's both) who no doubt due to her propensities to screw anything that breathed must have been through childbirth numerous times she was actually quite knowledgeable about the birthing process.  She immediately heated water and comforted Gera and had Winter get a bathroom plunger in case it was needed.  Slut first tried to get Gera to stand and try the native PawMe method of giving birth which consisted of dancing around the fire until the baby popped out.  When it was apparent that Gera was not able to dance Slut seemed to be leaning towards the plunger and catcher's mitt method.  This would have been interesting but luckily it was not needed.

It wasn't long before Gera became obviously in distress..Slut moved in to help, Winter moved in to watch and I did my best not to watch.  Judging by the sounds I would have to guess that childbirth is similar to passing a watermelon sized kidney stone.  Hours later, or maybe it was just minutes later but seemed like hours,  Gera succeeded in her instant weight loss program and delivered a healthy baby daughter.  Slut was kind enough to point out that the baby looked like her beautiful mother and not at all like me.  I am thankful for that.  Slut then proceeded to tie off the cord and then told me to cut it.  After a little fumbling, much shaking of hands and the accidental cutting of Slut's finger I managed to do this.  Gera then held the new baby and announced on February 9, 2013 that she had given birth to a daughter and her name was Andromeda.  Ma'am came to see the new resident and even cantankerous Psycho peeked in from the doorway wanting to see what was going on.  It was a very good day.

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